Somebody wants me!

...to sell insurance, that is.

I have my resume on Monster.com because I put it up there in the summer of 2004 when I'd graduated college and was looking for a job. Then I got a job and was too lazy to take it down. Then I moved to Chicago in July of this year for grad school and updated my resume because I was looking for a job. Then I found one on campus and again have been too lazy to take it off.

Plus the e-mails I get from insurance companies who claim I am so qualified to be an insurance saleswoman make me laugh, and Gilmore Girls isn't on every day of the week, you know.

The latest one has the following subject line: You Are the One We've Been Looking For.

I don't know about you, fanbase, but considering the fact that this e-mail went directly to my spam box, I figured the spammers must have finally found me and thought I might be interested in a menage a trois, and thought I might be more likely to say "Pick me! Pick me!" if they were able to imply I'd been carefully selected (ignoring the fact that it would frighten me to discover that nameless persons had been scoping me out and conferring as to whether I was an acceptable candidate for their third).

Then I saw the from line, which involved "join-our-sales-team." Ahh, another one of these! Hurrah, I'm about to be entertained for the next five minutes! So I clicked on it, because I always like to laugh at those who think my English degree and work on the college literary magazine and minor writing awards enable me to tell people, "Hey, you're going to die! Don't you want it to pay off for your loved ones?"

The first line: "I still have your resume on my desk." Well, it really continues on from there, but it sounds poignant the way I've got it, doesn't it? I can imagine this person looking lovingly at my resume and sighing with longing. "Oh, if only we could convince the Bachelor of Arts in English person to join our sales force! She is the key to everything, everything! Maybe if I send her another e-mail letting her know I still have her resume on my desk...."

And of course it's the bulk e-mail they send out to every person who doesn't jump at the chance to be the next great thing in insurance sales. But I get to feel all superior because I've cottoned on and I know what they're up to.

So, no, I don't think I'll remove my resume from Monster any time soon.