On fermentation

I've been reading Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon. Its subtitle is The Cookbook that Challenges Politically Correct Nutrition and the Diet Dictocrats. It's interesting reading--suggests that many of our modern ailments, such as the increased rise in allergies, is caused by the modern diet and that we ought to return to the diet and food prep style of our "ancient ancestors."

There's quite a bit I agree with and am trying out--such as fermentation. I have a healthy sourdough starter going in my fridge; I've cultured three batches of my own yogurt; and I plan on trying sauerkraut in the near future. At the risk of sounding like a slightly skewed PBS special, fermentation is fun! and I'm going to try to make fermented foods a mainstay of my diet.

There are other things, however, that I highly doubt I'll ever attempt. Every time I flip past one of the recipes for brains (yes, brains), I feel like I should wear scraggly clothing, take on a shuffling gait, and moan "Braaiinnnssss" at periodic intervals. The zombie gourmet!

And then I run with it and think--well, fermentation is supposed to ease digestion, right? So the health-minded zombie ought to eat fermented brains. Especially since, y'know, due to its very nature, the zombic digestive track probably doesn't function at its best.

A quick flip to the index of Nourishing Traditions, however, reveals that while BRAINS warrants its own capped head with five subpoints, there is, alas, nothing on fermented brains. We must hope our health-conscious zombie is also computer savvy (and isn't using my computer since I wouldn't like decomposed flesh left on my keyboard) and can use Google.

But here, too, it seems Zombiekins is out of luck. Google first politely asks "Did you mean: fermented beans recipe." No, we did not. And perusing the list of hits, it looks like we have sites discussing the healthful effects of lacto-fermented grains on the brain and one that seems to imply that "once the fermented dough is ready . . . [it's] enough to puzzle the brains of the lady who writes the cookerybook*."

Well, now we're in a pickle. It seems that no one ferments brains-- But wait! Part of the suggested diet is also raw foods, and that does include raw meat, since to cook some foods above 118 degrees Fahrenheit destroys the enzymes and other good stuff that our bodies need. Health-conscious zombie is in luck! It seems the instinctive call for raw brains is just what the putrefying doctor ordered. All is again right with the world.

But the zombie will have to go somewhere else to get the brains, because mine aren't up for grabs, and no one else's** will cross my threshold unless they're safely encased in a skull and attached to an ambulatory body. I have my standards.

*The editor in me notes that while "cookbook" is a closed compound, "cookerybook" ought to be open, at least per Merriam-Webster. Which the Chicago Manual of Style says to use. So there.

**Lest you get the wrong idea, no, Sally Fallon does not endorse eating human brains. She suggest the brains of livestock. I'm being facetious, people.