Despair and writers as egotists with low self-esteem

Yesterday I read this article by Patti Thorn, a staff writer for the Rocky Mountain News. Pretty depressing figure there: according to Thorn's "new friend Greg Slominski," the odds of a book (from my understanding) writer living as a writer--meaning, writing is his or her day job--is 1 in 380. Keep in mind, fanbase, that we're not talking striking it rich in J.K. Rowling proportions, or even Dan Brown proportions (off topic--am I the only one who thinks The Davinci Code isn't all that great, that in fact it's a colorless piece of work with some of the flattest characters since, well, Flatland?). We're talking being able to pay the bills and get by without resorting to another job. After adjusting the figures to allow for "a range of error," Thorn reports the odds as ranging from 1 in 200 to 1 in 500.

According to "The Odds," I'm more likely to die "in the next year in any type of transportation accident" (1 in 77). But, according to the same site, I'm less likely to be struck by lightning (1 in 576, 000) or be "considered possessed by Satan" (1 in 7,000). Things are looking up.

The site also lists the odds of writing a New York Times bestseller as 1 in 220--slightly better than the 1 in 380 figure of living off of writing. Which just goes to show that should I ever be so lucky as to pen an NYT bestseller, I should refrain from quitting my life of drudgery to make my computer my BFF in the belief that just because I've made it once, I'll make it again.

All this got me thinking.* Writers** are egotists with low self-esteem.

Let me explain.

To see the initial creation of a book through to the end, a writer has to believe that, first of all, the idea is a good one, and, second of all, that he or she is a good enough writer to present the idea in such a way that it is publishable and people will actually want to read it. I speak from experience--it becomes horribly difficult to write something if your brain keeps chanting "This sucks, you hack! This sucks!" as your fingers tap the keys, or as you stare out the window hoping for inspiration. Or even when you're not writing at all--the thought can come at you from nowhere. It's morning, you're still groggy because the coffee or other caffinated beverage of choice hasn't hit you yet, and you're brushing your teeth and you haven't yet spared a thought for your work in progress. Your bleary eyes stare at yourself in the mirror, and it is then that the little part of your brain that consists of the blackest evil and wishes nothing but the worst for you wakes up, rubs its little hands together in malicious glee, inhales deeply, and shouts at the tops of its lungs, "Hey, hack! Your book sucks! Sucks! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

But I digress. The point is that the writer has to have faith in his or her work and in him- or herself to get the initial draft down on paper. That's the egotist bit--you're writing something worthwhile, and it's more worthwhile than all the other thousands of manuscripts in current preparation, because only so many books can be published (unless you're willing to put out the money to self-publish, in which case saturation of the market, readability, and anything else don't matter) and yours is the one that will be published.

But once that first draft is down on paper, low self-esteem has to kick in, because now comes the time when the book needs to be ripped apart and edited. Mind, self-esteem can't be so low that one gives up but at this point the writer has to become unenamored with the work and see its faults, which then need to be fixed. And with a first draft, one can expect numerous and sizable faults, and come to believe that one is a hack after all. Nevertheless, the "Hack!" voice needs to be gagged, tied to a chair, and perhaps tortured, because I think the difference between hacks and real writers is that hacks don't bother to rewrite. They don't care enough about the work to rewrite, and that's what makes them hacks.

So what's the point of this post, fanbase? What purpose do these 806 words, including footnotes but not the text following "these," serve? Essentially to remind myself that I am not a hack, and that if I love writing, I'll do it in spite of the odds of becoming a successful writer. I'll do it for myself. So really, this has been a very self-absorbed post, but one that I think is worth it.

See, I told you writers are egotists.

*This is a lie. I had actually got to thinking before reading Thorn's article, but the two topics flow together so well that I decided to ignore the fact that I had been thinking even before reading Thorn's article and merge the two items anyway. I do try to be honest with you, fanbase, and don't you forget it!

**Well, ones who want to be published, anyway.